i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
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