Rock
Scissors
Fuck
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
