I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
only if we run a train.
done.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
