I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
