even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
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