my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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