so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
