I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Randomize
