My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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