i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Randomize
