omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Randomize
