i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
a search helicopter?!
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Randomize