I wish I could punch you in the face.
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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