My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
My bed smells like the plague
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
