I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
