yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
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