You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Randomize
