I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
I looked at my own cervix.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
