She went from zero to smokin in five shots
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Randomize
