if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize
