well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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