I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
