this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
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