It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Randomize
