I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Randomize
