you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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