My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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