i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Randomize
