Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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