Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
