i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
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