fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
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