Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
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