4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
