I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
