I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
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