Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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