Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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