If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
you made out with another girl for some wings
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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