it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
