i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
