I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
