you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Randomize
