you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize