forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
