I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
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