Where is the hickey?
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
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