last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
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