My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
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