Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
