By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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