My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
