you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
I party with great urgency now.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
