I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Randomize
