Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
