Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize