Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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