You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
