Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
