I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
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