She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Of course I have a pirate flag
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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