Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
