Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
