i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
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