he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
