I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
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