Please, let me fuck your mom
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
Randomize
