wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
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