Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
we're making bets on your personal life
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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