No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
