White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize