All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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