Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
NoShamevember. You game?
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
I touched a dick in church today
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Randomize
