Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Randomize
