he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
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