My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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