i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
that's an acceptable place to lick
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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