Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
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