mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
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