dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Randomize
