turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
