True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
