I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
