im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
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