This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Randomize
