How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Randomize
