So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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