She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
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