No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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