my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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