found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Randomize
