she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
the day after is always just damage control
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
