Nicole vs. Life
i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Randomize
