Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Randomize