dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Randomize
