Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
