remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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