I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
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