swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
