there's paper in my vomit.
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
she pinky promised me she was 18
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
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