So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
