ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize