I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
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