oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
